


Inner Demons

by swizzlesticks



Series: Family Foundations [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Edward and Lydia suck what else is new, Found Family, Has to do with a character not being sure what's real and what isn't, I imagine they have some clean-up to do, I'll probably add more as I go, Lucretia Angst, M/M, Magnus is a Good Friend, Nightmares, although Davenport is probably running the show, and Lucretia probably organizes a lot of it because she's good at that now, but before Tres Horny Boys split up to do their own things, taako angst, takes place after the day of song and story, the violence is roughly canon-level but I figured I should tag it, uhhh what else, unreality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-06-15 20:04:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15420564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swizzlesticks/pseuds/swizzlesticks
Summary: Yes, Taako's having nightmares every time he sleeps. No, he doesn't need his family's help with that. And no, there's definitely nothing arcane going on to cause those nightmares. Everything's fine.





	1. Who's for pancakes?

_ Taako was in Wonderland again, and he was alone. Standing in front of the wheel he’d been offered—he’d lost count of how many times—he was too tired to even speak before spinning it. Edward and Lydia’s false encouragement rang in his ears like so much tinny white noise, hardly even registering. _

_ How had he gotten here? Where were Magnus and Merle? _

_ Four lights above the wheel waited to be filled. Taako landed first on skull, and when he accepted, the light lit. Next was hand. He hid his panic as he lost two more fingers, not the first he’d lost here, leaving him with only his thumb and ring finger on his dominant hand. Pain scissored up his arm as the fingers vanished, and he transferred his umbra staff tiredly to the other hand. His next spin was eyes, and the room blackened around him as his darkvision was taken. And then he spun mind, and Edward appeared before him. _

_ “Oh dear, it looks like you’ll have to give up some memories!” _

_ Lydia appeared next to Edward, putting her elbow on her brother’s shoulder and cocking out a hip. “You don’t have very many of those to spare, do you Taako? You’ve already lost so much.” _

_ It was true. Taako didn’t even remember coming into Wonderland. He didn’t know how long he’d been here. He remembered Magnus and Merle, but he didn’t know where they were. And panic hitched in his chest as he remembered Lup. _

_ “No.” He croaked. _

_ “What’s that dear? You’ll have to speak up, sacrificing half your voice earlier really was rather rash, wouldn’t you say?” _

_ “I said no.” Taako’s voice rasped on the words. “Not my memories.” _

_ “Why not?” Lydia leaned forward towards him, and Taako just stared at her. “They’re not really your memories at all, are they?” _

_ An illusion of Lucretia appeared between the two liches, and Taako’s heart thumped as he digested the implications. _

_ They’re lying. They’re lying, and they don’t know— _

_ “You think we don’t know what dear Lucy did to you?” Edward’s voice was triumphant, and then he was behind Taako, putting an illusory hand on his shoulder. Taako jerked away from him, stumbling. He’d given up his dexterity already, and even though Edward was just an illusion, Taako didn’t want the lich anywhere near him. _

_ “Stay away from me!” He tried to force down the panic in his chest, but it wasn’t working. The pain in his hand was somewhat inexplicably growing steadily worse, and he held it protectively against his chest. “Don’t…touch me.” He forced out through gritted teeth, and Lydia laughed. _

_ “Oh, but it’s not really us you’re afraid of, is it, Taako dear?” _

_ All of a sudden, the image of Lucretia was in his face, barely a breath away. Taako stumbled back in panic, tripping over his own feet and landing hard on his back. _

_ “What if none of it is real?” Edward’s voice slid through Taako’s ears like black silk. “You believed so many lies just to fill in the gaps. How do you know you aren’t still in the dark?” _

_ Lydia cut in, putting a hand on the illusory Lucretia’s shoulder. She stage-whispered into the illusion’s ear. “Do you think he knows about the third voidfish?” _

_ Edward contemplated him, crossing his arms. “Do you think he even has a sister?” _

_ There was a rushing in Taako’s chest, and it threatened to drown him as the two liches grinned down at him. “Stop it.” Edward and Lydia’s sibilant laughter echoed from the walls, and Taako tried to cover his ears, although it did no good. He refused to break for them, but he drew up his knees protectively, as if making himself smaller would help. Where were Merle and Magnus? “Stop it! I won’t play your game!!” His voice rose to a shout, his voice tearing in his ruined throat, and for a single, blessed second, the two liches fell quiet. _

_ “Hey, Taako…” Lydia was the one to break the silence, and against his better judgement, Taako looked up at her through his bangs. “Didn’t you roll bad luck?” _

_ There wasn’t time to do anything. The weight hit him hard, crushing his ribs, and Taako couldn’t even get out a sound as it pinned him to the floor.  _ Blink _. He thought.  _ Blink!! _ Nothing happened. Taako couldn’t breathe. Nothing he could do could push this weight off him, and Edward crouched next to his head, running almost-real fingers through Taako’s hair as Taako squirmed in pain. _

_ “Don’t you know, darling? There’s no way out of Wonderland.” _

 

Taako woke up screaming.

“We’re here, buddy.” Magnus’s voice sounded worried, but startlingly close, and Taako heaved deep breaths into a chest uncrushed by any weight as he struggled to take in the reality of his surroundings. A shallow cave, lit by a warm campfire. Nowhere near the wilds surrounding Wonderland, a place that didn’t even  _ exist _ anymore.

Strangely, the pain in his hand remained. Taako looked down to see that he had somehow managed to burn himself.  _ On what _ ?

“You ok, pal?” Merle asked. Taako looked at his friends, both of whom were watching him with deep concern on their faces, and gave them a wobbly grin.

“For sure.”  _ What just happened to me? _

“You were shouting.” Magnus pointed out.

“Maybe a guy just wants to shout in peace sometimes, you know?” Taako deflected again, pushing himself up until he was in a sitting position, but he didn’t miss the look between Magnus and Merle. “What?”

“Well… you were shouting our names.”

Magnus’s words fell on silence. It took Taako a moment to absorb this, and when he did, he hesitated before he spoke.

“Ok, not my best dream, I’ll admit that. Can we not with the interrogation sesh, though?”

“You burned your hand. You looked like you were trying to cast fireball.” Merle said gruffly, and Taako looked down at the hand again.

“Huh. Well, sometimes... that happens.” He closed his fist over the burn and smiled brightly at the two men as he got up. He didn’t really have a destination in mind as he started to move, he mostly just wanted a moment to collect himself without scrutiny, but he also hadn’t appreciated how hard his legs were shaking, and Magnus had to catch him before he’d gone more than three steps.

“Whoa, hey. Slow it down. “ Magnus’s arms were looped around Taako’s waist now, keeping him from pulling away. Half-irritated and still deeply unsettled, Taako almost Blinked away from him. “Merle, can you take a look at his hand?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Even though they weren’t technically making him do anything, Taako felt uncomfortably like a small child as Merle examined his hand. Magnus had pulled Taako down next to him, almost onto his lap, keeping the elf within the loop of his arms as Merle worked, and Taako couldn’t help but find it a bit much, although he also couldn’t help noticing that he hadn’t stopped shaking yet.

“Hey, at some point I’m gonna have to pee, you guys, so maybe we can hurry this up.” He tried hard to sound bored, but the other two simply ignored him.

“Can you check him over?” Magnus was saying to Merle. “He feels like he’s too warm.”

“Yeah. Hey Taako, what happened to your voice? You got a sore throat or something?” Merle wasn’t even looking at him, but panic leapt once again into Taako’s chest at the thought of  _ anything _ having left that dream with him, and without another thought, he Blinked away.

In the ethereal plane, at least Taako felt like he could breathe. He took several long, deep breaths, looking at Magnus and Merle through the thin walls of the plane.

He still didn’t know what had happened. How Edward and Lydia, both dead, for  _ good _ this time, had somehow managed to… invade his dreams, for lack of a better term. Taako knew nightmares, and he knew that hadn’t been one. No nightmare had ever driven Taako to try to cast a spell in his sleep. But Merle and Magnus were here, and that was what was important. Here, and worried about him, and frankly  _ deeply _ annoying, in that regard, but Taako would happily take Merle and Magnus—even with their annoying habits and Merle’s somewhat disturbing love of plants—100 times over no Merle and Magnus. He comforted himself with that thought until he was sure he could stand and walk nonchalantly, then Blinked back into the material plane and strolled over to his Stone of Far Speech.

“Hey, Lup?”

It was the last thing he needed to check, based on what Edward and Lydia had said, he just needed to be sure—

“’Sup, babe?”

Taako felt a smile of relief break over his face, and he turned his back on Magnus and Merle to hide it from them. “Nothing. Just checking everything’s cool.”

“Did something happen?”

“Nope!” Taako was sure he sounded falsely cheery now, but with everyone around him safe, he didn’t really care. And those undead fucks in his dream were such a yesterday problem that he resolved not to worry about them for now, at least not in front of Merle and Magnus. No point in worrying them over something that was probably nothing, or at least nothing they could do anything about. So with a bright smile, he turned back to them, clapping his hands together.

“So, who’s for pancakes?” He couldn’t help noticing, even as he asked, that his voice still barely scratched from his throat.


	2. Should we call Lup?

Taako avoided sleeping after that. Switching over completely to meditation took some getting used to, and the scratchiness of his voice never really did go away. Sometimes in the morning when he stood up from where he’d spent the night meditating, he found that he had no voice at all. He took to carrying honey with him, and making tea every chance he got. If Merle and Magnus made note of any of this, they didn’t say so in front of him, and Taako was ok with that. In fact, everything worked out just fine until a mission in an abandoned mine (not in Refuge this time, at least, which Taako was deeply grateful for). They were all fighting, and they’d all taken some hits. Taako had been trying to protect Magnus when it happened.

The goliath Magnus was fighting had grabbed Railsplitter out of Magnus’s hands, and was getting ready to try cutting Magnus’s legs out from under him with it. Taako cast a blistering Scorching Ray, and although it had its intended effect of getting the goliath to drop Railsplitter, it also had the unintended effect of taking Taako’s focus off of the wizard he’d been fighting.

“Taako!”

Taako barely had time to register Merle’s shout of warning before the wall of water hit him. The wizard must have decided to burn a high spell slot on him to take advantage of his distraction, and boy did it work. Taako was thrown head over heels at least three times, still underwater, before the water found a mineshaft to drain into. His new umbra staff had gotten knocked from Taako’s hand, and when the water pushed him over the edge, he fell all the way down.

Incredibly, the floor he struck was something powdery, almost like flour. Still, Taako felt a crack from his chest on impact, and all the air was driven from his lungs, leaving him curled in the dark gasping in pain, too far from his friends to even hear the battle.

He squinted upwards, noting the narrowness of the passage he had fallen down, and then got to his hands and knees, already shivering in the cold of the cave, now that his thin clothes were soaked. He looked around for the umbra staff, but he didn’t see it.

“Shit.” He mumbled to the darkness. He could see pretty well in the dark, thanks to his darkvision, but this dark was not friendly. He did not want to stay here, and he  _ certainly _ didn’t want to stay here unarmed. He grabbed for his wand, but found it snapped in his pocket, probably from the force of the fall, and fumbled for the Stone of Far Speech beneath his shirt instead. “Guys, did I leave my umbra staff up there?”

Technically the original had always been Lup’s, but she’d made this new one for him. Despite his protests, she knew Taako found it sort of comforting to have something with him that reminded him of her. He stood in the dark waiting for an answer for nearly thirty seconds, fear plummeting slowly into his stomach as cold air began to stir around him.

“Guys?”

“Here.” That was Magnus’s voice. “Sorry, the goliath—”

“Yeah, no problem my dude, do you see my umbra staff?” Taako’s voice was starting to go high with panic, and he could almost see Magnus in his mind’s eye frowning at the stone.

“No, it’s not up here.”

“Cool. So I fell down a mine shaft? And I think there’s something down here with me, and I can’t get back up without my staff.” Taako drew his short sword and backed into a small alcove of hewn stone along the wall. “Also, my wand broke. So I’ll just uh, wait for you?”

There was a moment of silence from the stone, and then Magnus’s voice came through again.

“I’ll try to get my rope down to you. Let us know if you see anything.”

“Yeah, for sure.” Taako dropped the Stone of Far Speech back under his shirt, and listened hard.

At first he couldn’t hear anything except for his own breathing. Then there was another unaccountable gust of cold wind, and he shivered. Where was that  _ coming _ from?

He crouched in the alcove, gripping his sword tightly, and when the attack finally came, there wasn’t anything he could have done to prepare for it.

His Stone of Far Speech was still on, so he knew Magnus and Merle both heard him shriek as a giant hand made entirely of wind wrapped around him, compressing his broken ribs and ripping him from his hiding place. It threw him across the cavern, and Taako rolled over and over on the floor, getting completely covered in the powder on the ground as he went. Despite the immediate danger, it took him a second to collect himself and push himself upright.

“Taako, what’s happening?”

Magnus’s voice came through the Stone, panicked, but Taako was too busy taking in the sight in front of him to respond. The creature in front of him was easily 20 feet tall, and made of nothing but air, whipping up the powder on the ground so that at least Taako could see its outline. Not that there was anything he could do about it, with a sword.

The creature swiped at him again, and Taako ducked out of the way, avoiding the attack. He wasn’t as lucky when the creature action surged before Taako could even attempt a cantrip, slamming him against the wall.

Taako’s vision dimmed for a second, but he shook his head, staggering to keep his balance. At that exact moment, the bottom of a rope struck him in the head, and he flinched slightly, surprised.

“Hey, my dudes, I’ve got the rope, give me a sec to tie it on and then get me the heck out of here, ok?” Taako grabbed the rope and looped it around his waist, cinching it tight with shaking hands as the creature watched him. “Ok, we’re good to go.”

When the rope started to lift him, it swung him towards the wind monster, and Taako swore. He saw the creature’s flat hand swinging towards him, and then there was nothing.

 

Xxxxxxxxx

 

Magnus and Merle were both pulling the rope up, hand-over-hand. Magnus spoke into his Stone of Far Speech again, nervously. He hadn’t gotten a response since they’d started pulling Taako up.

“Taako, hey, you there?”

“We’ll see him in a sec, big guy.” Merle’s false confidence didn’t fool Magnus, and he kept looking worriedly down the mine shaft until he could finally see the figure at the end of the rope, and determined it wasn’t moving.

“Merle.” Magnus’s voice was tight, and Merle just nodded. 

Taako was completely limp at the end of the rope, bent double at the waist, and barely recognizable under a thick layer of some sort of pale chalky powder that covered him from his boots to the tips of his long ears. His hat had fallen off before he’d even gone down the mineshaft, and Magnus pulled him up the rest of the way carefully to lay him down on the stone floor of the cavern. Merle pushed Magnus out of the way, checking for a pulse, but Magnus could already see that the elf was breathing—maybe a little sporadically, but he was definitely alive.

Magnus slumped back as Merle worked. He stabilized Taako reasonably quickly, but he didn’t really have spell slots leftover from their fight— the best he could do was a Prayer of Healing, which certainly helped, but didn’t actually wake Taako up.

“What’s wrong with him?” Magnus asked worriedly as Merle finally pulled back. “Shouldn’t he be awake?”

Merle shook his head. “Hit his head, among other things.” Then he caught Magnus’s worried look. “He’ll wake up in a few hours, he just needs to rest. Probably be good for him to sleep for once.”

Magnus exhaled, relieved. “Should we call Lup?”

Merle hesitated. “He’d probably be pissed at us for worrying her. We can call her when he wakes up.”

“Ok.” Magnus pushed himself to his feet. “Then let’s get the hell out of this cave.”

He picked up Taako, knowing it would make more sense to stash the elf in the Pocket Spa and not really caring. Taako had given him a bad enough scare that Magnus really didn’t want him out of sight. The fact that Merle didn’t even mention the Pocket Spa told Magnus that the cleric felt the same way.

On their way out, Merle grabbed Taako’s hat. It was big enough that it didn’t fit in either of their bags, so that  _ did _ go in the Pocket Spa. They never did find the umbra staff, but it was new enough that it hadn’t absorbed much magic yet. Magnus hoped it wouldn’t be too much trouble for Lup to make another one.

They walked out of the cave into the sunlight, and the powder on Taako began to steam in the light, as though it were evaporating water. Grabbing a pinch from Taako’s dangling arm, Merle examined it curiously.

“Huh. Soul media.”

“It’s what now?”

“It’s basically just a stone sediment that can easily take the form of a creature. I’m guessing that’s probably what attacked Taako.”

“Like a rock monster?”

“No, more like a ghost.” Merle brushed some more of the powder off of Taako’s arm. “You find it sometimes in caves, and some people use it as a spell component, since it can hold bits of souls. Should be fine once we’re out of the vicinity of the cave.”

“Nope.” Magnus had heard more than enough. Taako was  _ covered  _ in powder, and apparently that was what attacked him. Magnus wasn’t risking it. “We’re getting that stuff off him right now.” He took a hard left towards a stream running from the mountain, and put Taako down again. Merle followed a little uneasily.

“I’m gonna let you take responsibility for this, big guy.” He crossed his arms over his chest as Magnus got Taako’s shirt off. “If he wakes up half-naked in a freezing stream, it’s gonna be on your ass.”

“Fine.” Magnus replied testily, and threw Taako’s shirt at Merle. The pants might be a lost cause, but that was one of Taako’s favorite shirts. “Deal with that, then.”

Merle waddled downstream, grumbling, and Magnus contemplated how best to do this. After some hesitation, he stripped both of them down to their underclothes and simply got in the stream with Taako. Most of the powder had been on his clothes, but Magnus did his best to rinse the elf’s hair, which was already wet and completely caked with the stuff. He cleaned off Taako’s face, too, and by the time he was done, Merle was back.

“Can you dig out a change of clothes for him?” Magnus asked. Merle rolled his eyes, but did what Magnus said, and soon they had Taako dressed again, in warm dry clothes. Merle took the opportunity to put some bandages on Taako’s wounds that hadn’t gotten closed by his prayer of healing, while Magnus got changed as well, and by the time Magnus picked Taako up again to continue on their way, some of the distressed strain on the elf’s face had relaxed slightly.

For a while, they walked in silence. Merle was the one who finally broke it.

“What do you think’s been going on with him?”

Magnus glanced down. “What, with the meditation and stuff?”

“Yeah. I mean…” Merle chuckled humorlessly. “I’ve been using magic for a long time, and sure, it’s a different kind, but I know enough to know that no one tries to cast fireball in their sleep unless they’re having one hell of a bad night.”

Magnus frowned, and looked back at Taako. “I don’t know. You think it was weird he was yelling our names?”

“Yeah, that was pretty weird. We’ve been through a lot of shit, but I haven’t seen him panic much.”

“Did it seem to you like he was yelling for help?”

Merle mulled that over for a long minute. “Yeah.” He finally said. “It did.”

“But when he woke up he would barely come near us.”

“Well,” Merle shrugged, “that’s Taako. He’ll tell us if he wants to. Until then, probably shouldn’t push him about it.”

“Yeah…” Magnus was less convinced, and the unconscious elf in his arms flinched slightly in his sleep.


	3. You've been talking in your sleep

_ “Magnus, snap out of it!” Taako scrambled backwards, but his back was against a wall, and Magnus was advancing on him, Railsplitter held ready so that even if Taako tried to dart to the side, Magnus could probably still get a hit in. “Cut it out!”  _

_ Behind Magnus, Merle stepped towards Taako too, and Taako screamed as a Divine Flame ripped through him without warning. When it finally stopped, Taako could see that his skin was smoking, and Magnus was bearing down on him.  _

_ Taako almost panicked and counterattacked , but he cast Mage Hand instead, catching Railsplitter in the air before it could strike him, and forced himself upright, using the umbra staff for balance. _

_ “Guys, stop.” He had to dodge another attack from Merle, and almost fell. “They’re controlling you, I don’t want to hurt you.” _

_ The unspoken truth was that he knew he couldn’t get out of Wonderland without them. He didn’t want to hurt them, yeah, but he also needed them healthy so they could save his skin next time they hit a healing game. If they got that far. _

_ Magnus finally yanked Railsplitter free of the mage hand, and swept it down at Taako again. This time, Taako didn’t react fast enough. _

_ Railsplitter bit deep into his shoulder, and Taako couldn’t even yell, he just crumpled to the floor. Magnus wasn’t going to stop. With as much focus as he could muster through the pain in his shoulder, Taako cast Flame Wall, catching Magnus in the flame and keeping Merle from advancing any further. He heard Magnus yell in pain, and looked up hazily to see the sign above the Monster Factory floor displaying the names “Magnus Burnsides” and “Merle Highchurch” under the list of monsters. _

_ Sucking in a breath that made his whole body scream in protest, Taako managed to get to his hands and knees, his right arm dangling uselessly from the gaping wound that was his shoulder. Magnus was rushing through the flames towards him, and he could hear Merle casting another spell, and Taako closed his eyes and cast disintegrate. _

_ He didn’t open his eyes, and he was sure, sure this time, that it was done. _

_ “Don’t look now, but I think you might have won this one!” Edward’s voice cracked over Taako like a whip, and he flinched. _

_ “I’ll kill you.” He croaked. “I’m gonna find where your stupid asses are, and I’m gonna kill you.” _

_ “Oh don’t worry, dear!” Lydia must be here too. “That wasn’t really them. No, we need to keep their real bodies nice and healthy for the Anima spell to work properly.” _

_ Taako’s eyes snapped open. “...What?” _

_ “The Anima spell! You remember, don’t you?” Edward laughed. “You don’t think we’d let you leave here with your REAL companions, do you? Weren’t you listening last time? No one leaves Wonderland, not really.” _

_ Taako’s voice broke when he laughed, and he cringed in pain. “You’re full of shit. We got a whole new goddamn body for Magnus. You’re dead, and that fucking bell doesn’t even work anymore.” At least he knew they were lying this time; that didn’t make sense. _

_ “You think so?” Lydia drifted closer to him, and Taako shivered. “Ask yourself: do you know why Garfield built Magnus a new body?” _

_ “Pan stopped answering Merle after you left wonderland, didn’t he?” Edward was in Taako’s personal space too now, but Taako couldn’t move back any further. “Did you ever stop to ask yourself if maybe he had a passenger?” _

_ “That’s not how it works.” Taako ground out. “You fuckers are dead. I remember you dying.” _

_ “You remember a whole lot that isn’t true, though.” Lydia leaned in close to whisper in his ear. “Besides, if we were dead, could we do this?” _

_ There was a pain in Taako’s left hand. _

 

Taako woke to the horrible sensation of someone holding him down. Without even thinking, he cast Scorching Ray, and he heard Magnus cry out as the blaze nicked his side. He tumbled off of Taako, and Taako shot upright, scrambling back as far as he could, until his back met something solid. His hands were still stretched out defensively, crackling with magic.

“What the  _ shit _ ?” He asked. He realized belatedly that Merle was there too, right next to where Taako had been sleeping.

“Taako?” Magnus sounded deeply uneasy, and he was holding his side where Taako’s spell had hit him. “It’s us.”

“Yeah, you want to tell me what the fuck you were doing?” Taako could hear how high and panicked his own voice sounded, and Magnus flinched.

“We were trying to keep you from killing us all.” Merle groused. “You cast goddamn fire wall in the pocket spa, did you know how flammable that thing was? And when we got you out of there, you disintegrated a goddamn tree. So yeah, that might’ve been a startling way to wake up, but we  _ were _ trying to keep you from accidentally bringing the forest down around our ears.”

“We couldn’t wake you up.” Magnus said, and Taako could tell from the way he said it that it was meant to be an apology, not an excuse. “Are you ok?”

“ _ No _ I’m not ok, I wake up from the first sleep I’ve had in I don’t know  _ how _ long, and I’ve got a goddamn  _ mountain _ sitting on me.” Taako was still badly shaken and on the defensive, but he lowered his hands. Or he started to, before he realized his ring finger was gone. On his left hand.

For a long time, he just stared at the empty space where it should have been. “Well, shit.” He finally said, faintly.

“That… that wasn’t like that when we pulled you out of that cave.” Magnus had obviously been following Taako’s gaze, but he looked at Merle for confirmation, and the dwarf shook his head.

“No, you were pretty beat up, but you still had ten fingers.”

Taako looked between them for a moment, horror rushing in his ears, before he finally spoke, choosing his words carefully.

“So, I’ve been having a pretty bad day so far? I’m gonna need you guys to tell me some stuff, or I’m gonna blow down this entire goddamn forest.”

Both men drew back from him, but Magnus spoke up. “Ok, shoot. Or-- I mean, don’t  _ shoot _ , but go ahead and ask.”

Taako ignored that. “I need you both to tell me something really fucking obscure, that no asshole impersonating you would know, ok?” 

Shock flashed over both of their faces, but Taako stared them both down without speaking again, and finally Magnus broke the uncomfortable quiet, with an ‘I-think-you’re-being-crazy-right-now’ tone to his voice.

“O-ookay… um… something that we know about you, or?”

“Just fucking anything.” Taako’s voice cracked, and Magnus considered for a moment.

“Before you and Lup managed to burn them, Barry used to walk around the Starblaster in a pair of boxers that said ‘Eat Me’ on the ass.” Merle deadpanned. “And he maintained for about 25 cycles afterwards that he didn’t know what it meant.”

Taako’s mouth twitched at the memory, but his nerves were much too stretched for him to laugh. “Magnus?”

“The...first time you told me I ‘wasn’t that bad’ was after I’d saved your ass for like the third time on that volcano plane we went to.”

“Something more obscure.” Taako snapped, and Magnus looked at him in concern.

“Taako, are you--”

“Right  _ fucking  _ now, Magnus. Something really stupid.”

Magnus kept watching him. “All the hard candy I brought on the Starblaster was cherry flavored, and Lup hated it.”

Taako let out a breath, trying to feel relieved, then he let out another one when it didn’t work. He pulled his knees up and pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes. “Fuck.” He didn’t see it, but he was sure Merle and Magnus shared a look.

“Well,” Merle announced, with such a jovial tone that Taako was sure Magnus had directed him somehow, “I’m gonna go commune with nature for a little bit.”

It was a lame excuse, but creepy enough to distract Taako slightly from his thoughts. He let his hands slide down his face a bit so he could watch Merle go, and then turned to look at Magnus.

“What?” He asked, but his voice was choked, so it didn’t sound as much like a challenge as he’d wanted it to. 

Magnus put up his hands in a ‘truce’ motion. “I know you’ve been dreaming about Wonderland.” Taako stiffened, but Magnus kept going. “You’ve been talking in your sleep, it’s pretty obvious what about. I haven’t told Lup yet. You know she’ll want to know, but I’m not going anywhere until you tell  _ me _ what’s happening.”

Taako’s face twitched with annoyance. “You were  _ sitting _ on me.” He made a weak attempt at deflection, but Magnus just raised an eyebrow.

“You think Merle and I haven’t known something’s been going on with you? I asked Merle, he says no one casts spells in their sleep like that. I know  _ I’ve  _ never seen you do that before, and we’ve known each other for over a century. Are you gonna tell me what’s going on, or do I have to call Lup? I’ll tell Barry and Kravitz, too, if that’s enough of a threat to convince you to just talk to me.”

Taako just glared at him. “I don’t know.” He finally said, and his voice was so quiet that he could see Magnus leaning forward to hear him. “You want the truth? Fine. I don’t know what’s going on.” He took a deep breath. “I think we have to go back to Wonderland.”


	4. Where the shit is my hat?

Magnus wasn’t sure he’d heard Taako right. He could have sworn that the elf just said ‘we have to go back to Wonderland.’

“Taako…” He said a little uncertainly. “We destroyed Wonderland, remember? There wasn’t anything left.”  _ And even if there was, why would you want to go back? _

Taako shook his head like he was shaking off a fly and let his head droop, and it didn’t escape Magnus’s notice that he was letting his hair hide his face.

“They’re not just dreams.” Taako finally said. “The first time, it was my… voice.”

Magnus quirked an eyebrow at that. He actually had noticed the change in Taako’s voice-- he’d been hoarse for a solid month, so much so that Magnus had started to get used to the change. In retrospect, it had started the night that Taako had had his first nightmare.

“This last time, Lydia-- in the dream-- said she wanted to prove they weren’t dead. And my hand hurt. And when I woke up…” Taako faltered for a second, holding up his hand so that Magnus could see the scarred-off stump of his finger again. “In the dream, I was fighting you and Merle. They’d set up...illusions of you, I guess. In the Monster Factory. And I have a feeling--” He pushed the wide collar of his shirt off one shoulder, and Magnus could see a livid mark, like a barely-healed wound, almost bisecting the elf’s thin shoulder.

“Fuck.” Magnus felt like someone had punched him in the chest. He’d been wielding Railsplitter for too long not to recognize what that was. “No wonder you set the Pocket Spa on fire.”

Taako nodded, but he still didn’t look up at Magnus. 

“Is that why you wanted proof it was us?” Magnus finally asked, when Taako didn’t seem inclined to speak again. “Because we attacked you in the dream?” With a jolt, he realized how it must have felt for Taako to wake up from that only to find Magnus and Merle seemingly attacking him in real life. “Fuck, Taako, I’m so sorry--”

“They told me they’d replaced you. You and Merle both, with the Anima spell.” Taako’s voice was still very quiet. “I knew it didn’t make any sense, but…” He finally dropped his head back into his hands, although his voice was reasonably steady. “I think they want me to believe I’m back there. Maybe that I never left. Maybe I just came up with the day of song and story to cope-- when I dream I’m back there, you and Merle are gone, and it’s just me--” His breath hitched, and Magnus’s heart squeezed.

“Taako.” He inched closer to the elf, although he was still hesitant to reach out and touch him. “We won. We beat the Hunger. You, me, Merle, Lup--”

Taako laughed, and Magnus wasn’t sure he’d ever heard a worse sound. “When we were in Wonderland, we hadn’t been innoculated yet. If I’m stuck there alone, what’s a more perfect fantasy than a badass twin sister who might come get me out someday?”

Fear thrilled in Magnus’s chest. “Lup’s real, Taako. You know that.”

“I  _ don’t _ .” Taako heaved in a breath of air. “I knew we were from this planet, until I didn’t anymore. I knew I’d been born and raised here. I knew I was an only child, I knew I made a stupid mistake and killed 40 people with it-- none of that was  _ true _ , Magnus, what the hell do any of us actually  _ know _ ? I mean know for  _ sure _ ?” Taako’s voice had risen to a shout, and when he looked up at Magnus, there was an unhealthy flush in his cheeks like fever. 

Magnus hesitated for a moment, but he went over to Taako and pulled the elf into a hug. Taako flinched a little bit when Magnus touched him, but he let Magnus hold onto him until he finally started to cry.

Magnus rubbed his back, and wondered distantly if Taako had been eating. He felt thinner than usual, and the shudders as the elf cried racked his whole body. 

“S-sorry.” Taako finally stammered. He took a deep breath. “I know this is real.” He said, and there was a bit more steel in his voice when he said it. “But something that’s happening in my dreams is real too, Mags, and-- I’m afraid if I have any more of them, I  _ won’t _ know.” He shook his head. “Don’t you ever feel like it was too easy? Or like… Lucretia messed with our minds once, and she took away just… everything I thought I was sure of. Lup, Berry, all of you, even my cooking, because of-- I didn’t remember I knew magic, Mags. I taught myself all that shit, and I didn’t do a fucking great job. She left me alone on a plane we barely knew, a plane we  _ knew _ was fucked-up and dangerous, and I-- I couldn’t even  _ look _ for Lup--” He cut himself off and took another breath. “And then I was sure of my life here, and none of it was real. I mean how do I know anything I remember  _ now _ is the real deal? Maybe I’m still in fucking Wonderland, and I’ve given up so many memories that all I have is this fantasy future I made up for myself.” He let his head rest dully on Magnus’s shoulder. “If Lydia and Edward are looking for an easy target to push off the deep end, they fucking found one.” He fell quiet after that, although Magnus waited a long time to see if he’d say anything else.

The truth was, Magnus wasn’t sure what to say. He knew that what Lucretia had done to them had hit Taako and Davenport hardest, but neither of the two had talked about it, except for Taako’s outburst immediately after finding out the truth. Magnus had realized it had been hard for Taako to lose his sister again, but he hadn’t realized the degree to which rediscovering her must have felt like reality fracturing. He held Taako close, and, shockingly, Taako let him.

Finally, the elf exhaled. “Don’t tell anyone.”

“What?” Magnus was so startled that he pulled back, but Taako looked serious. “Taako, in the absolute best-case scenario here, you’re trying to fend off some kind of breakdown,  _ on your own _ . But this?” He took Taako’s wrist and held up the hand missing a finger. “I don’t know as much about magic as you and Merle, but I’m pretty sure this is bad. Pretty fucking sure you’re not still trapped in Wonderland, but maybe someone hit you with a nasty curse, or maybe you’re right, it is Edward and Lydia, and they somehow survived. Either way, every time you sleep-- or in this case, get knocked out-- you start throwing magic fire around without waking up. The Pocket Spa is gone, Taako, it burned up. We barely got you out in time.”

“So I just won’t sleep.” Taako countered. “I’m an elf, I don’t have to. Let’s get our asses over to Wonderland, great, and then I’ll just destroy anything that’s left, and we can cross that possibility off the list, ok?”

Magnus didn’t like it. He  _ really _ fucking didn’t like it. “I get to tell Merle.”

Taako barely flinched. “Fine. Save me a job.”

“And,” Magnus pressed on, “if things get worse, I’m calling in the cavalry.”

Taako rolled his eyes, entirely unconvincingly. “Fine. Trade: you let go of me.”

Magnus sighed and let Taako go from the sort-of hug that he was still in. Taako immediately hopped to his feet as though determined to pretend that nothing was wrong, and then his eyes widened with horror.

“Wait. Where the shit is my hat?”

It was surprising enough to make Magnus laugh. “In the Pocket Workshop. Merle grabbed that while I got you out of the Pocket Spa. And take it easy on those ribs-- you took longer to wake up than we expected, so Merle got a bunch of spell slots back and healed you up, but whatever the hell you fought down in that mineshaft really fucked you up.”

Taako shrugged nonchalantly. “I’d like to see you try to fight a fucking wind monster with just a sword.”

He strolled off through the camp, and Magnus watched him go, realizing that Taako was so distracted that he had already forgotten about the hat. 


	5. Dinner Ready?

Merle cornered Taako not long after that. Generally Taako was pretty skilled at avoiding people when he wanted to, helped in part by the fact that he could literally just vanish into the ethereal plane. But Merle had known him for a long time at this point, and caught him while he was cooking, timing it precisely so that Taako couldn’t leave or the food would burn.

“Smells good.” 

Taako immediately tensed, without looking up at him, and Merle thought back to what Magnus had told him about their conversation. He wondered what the Merle illusion had done in Taako’s dream.

“Relax. I’m here to get on your case, but I’m not gonna hug you or anything. I’ll leave that to the big idiot.”

“This has to sautée for literally another minute, and then I’m leaving.”

“Huh. I didn’t realize we were fighting. I’ll be quick, then.” Merle heaved himself up onto one of the logs around the fire they’d been using for seats. “I think you’re being an idiot about this.”

“Oh? Do tell.” Taako’s voice was frigid, which Merle ignored.

“Lup’s gonna be pissed you didn’t tell her.” 

Taako kept stirring, his lips pressed tightly together, and didn’t answer.

“Why don’t you want to tell her? She’s your sister! You’re supposed to be a team. I remember when we were on the Starblaster—“

“Don’t.” Taako’s eyes were still fixed in the pan he was stirring, but his slim fingers had gone white-knuckled around the spoon.

Merle stared at him, flummoxed.

“You don’t even want to talk to her? If you want to know she’s real, just ask her to drop in on us! She’s got that reaper stuff going on now, she can just pop in, right?”

Taako put down the spoon very carefully, and flexed his hand as though weighing the pros and cons of burning a spell slot just to get Merle to go away.

“I’ll say this once.” He finally said. “I’m not getting my sister involved in this. Because I can’t lose her again. If she’s not real, I don’t want to know. And if something is attacking me, I’m not going to expose the one person  _ most like me  _ in this whole freaking plane to it. Not until I know we can fix it.”

“I mean, we don’t know what’s going on, right?” Merle protested, watching Taako. The elf was keeping his face turned away now, and Merle couldn’t see his expression. “You don’t know it’s contagious.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t know it isn’t, either.” Taako removed the pan from the heat. “I’m going ballistic whenever I take a nap. I don’t think we really want my sister, the evocation wizard, to have the same problem. Capice?”

There, Merle could see a point. One of the twins losing control of their magic was bad enough. But both of them? Merle suppressed a shudder.

“I mean, you could at least use your Stone of Far Speech to fill her in.” Merle sighed when Taako didn’t respond. “You ever watched an ant nest?”

“You ever think before you open your mouth?” Taako countered. He picked up the spoon again, and started to parse out the food onto plates.

“Ants work as a group.” Merle pressed on, ignoring Taako’s comment. “If you watch them, you’ll see-- you separate one ant from the rest, and it’s just an ant. You can squish it, it can get lost... it’ll die if it’s left on its own. But when a whole group of ants works together, nobody messes with them. You ever notice that?” When Taako still didn’t look up at him, Merle hesitated. “You remember how bad things went when Lucretia didn’t trust the group?”

Taako slammed down the pan, making Merle jump. He took off his apron, his movements still uncharacteristically stiff and careful, folded it, and started to stalk away, towards the edge of the camp. Merle caught a glimpse of his face and immediately realized he’d made a mistake.

“Taako, wait.”

The elf didn’t even break stride, and Merle levered himself up off of the log to hurry after him.

“Taako--”

Without looking back, Taako vanished mid-step, presumably to the ethereal plane. 

“Shit.” Looking at the space where Taako had been, Merle sighed again. He was still standing there when Magnus emerged from the edge of the woods, where he’d been gathering more firewood.

“Dinner ready?”

“Uh…” Merle glanced back towards the fire, and realized that Taako had only made two plates of food. He blew air out through his lips, and resisted the urge to curse again. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter. I'll be posting the next one before the end of the weekend to make up for it!


	6. Tell Me Something I Don’t Know

Taako waited until he was well out of earshot from the campsite before he sat against the base of a tree, more heavily than he meant to, exhaustion threading through him like a thin wire.

It had been over a week since he’d had his conversations with Magnus and Merle. Merle, much to Taako’s surprise, had been almost instantly on board with the actual idea of going back to Wonderland, and the two men had even agreed, after some convincing, to keep their side trip hush-hush. Based on how suspiciously agreeable they were being, Taako was getting a better idea of just how bad things had broken in the camp last time he’d had a nightmare. And if Taako was cooking bigger, fancier meals for the two than normal and avoiding both of them the rest of the time, it certainly wasn’t to make up for anything. And it absolutely,  _ definitely  _ wasn’t because he was worried.

He turned his Stone of Far Speech over in his hands for a while, lost in thought. Or more accurately, lost in the sensation of fire burning just below the surface of his palms. He hadn’t slept since first talking to Magnus, strictly sticking to meditation instead, but he was beginning to feel like a bomb on a countdown. His skin practically crackled with energy, almost like it had after forming a bond with Joaquin. The difference was that  _ that  _ energy had felt good, and he’d been able to discharge it almost immediately. This energy was still building, slowly, and it hurt. He couldn’t seem to access it at all to try to discharge it, and it was getting steadily worse.

Finally, he switched on the stone, and spoke into it before he could talk himself out of the idea. “Hey, Krav?”

The response came almost immediately. “Love? What is it?”

A smile touched Taako’s face. “I wanted to ask you some stuff. Do you have a minute?”

Taako often appreciated Kravitz’s somewhat uncanny ability to tell when something was wrong just by the tone of his voice. This time, it was less of a surprise: Taako was still hoarse. The sound of ripping fabric as the reaper opened a rift between planes made Taako jump, though. He tried for nonchalance, but was relieved to see that Kravitz was alone when he stepped through the portal.

“Taako?” The expression on Kravitz’s face slipped rapidly from concern into alarm as he took in Taako sitting alone against the tree, and he came over to him in just a few strides, crouching next to him and reaching up to touch his cheek. “What--”

“Wait--” Taako tried to pull back, but it was too late. Kravitz pulled his hand back as though he’d been burned, and for all Taako knew, he had been. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to--”

Kravitz searched his face for a moment, and Taako didn’t know exactly what he was looking for, but he doubted it was good.

“What happened?” The reaper finally asked, and Taako offered him an uncertain smile.

“Uh...yeah. I don’t know? I’m having some kind of magical breakdown or something.” Taako had thought about how he was going to explain this, but for the life of him he couldn’t think of what he’d planned to say.

After another moment of hesitation, Kravitz sat, and reached for him again, and Taako cringed away, not wanting to hurt him. As soon as the reaper’s cold hands touched him though, Taako let out a surprised sigh of relief. Kravitz cupped his chin with extreme gentleness, and stroked his cold thumb over the elf’s cheeks.

“You’re burning up.” Kravitz muttered. 

“Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.” Taako let Kravitz pull him close, and the fire under his skin receded under the onslaught of cold, as though it was fleeing from Kravitz’s touch. “That feels amazing.”

“Is this helping?” Kravitz pulled Taako onto his lap, wrapping him firmly in his arms and holding him as close to his body as he could. “You still feel hot to me.”

“It’s always nice to be appreciated.” Taako’s mind felt sluggish at the sudden relief from the energy that had been tormenting him for almost a week now, and he closed his eyes, letting his head rest gratefully against Kravitz’s chest. He was so tired. Tired enough to sleep, almost.

At that, his eyes shot open, and he took a short breath.

“Love? What’s wrong?” Kravitz’s hand rubbed slow circles against the side of Taako’s shoulder, cooling it, and Taako had to focus on what fire remained in his body to even speak-- relief made his tongue feel thick and unusable.

“Magnus said if things got worse he’d call Lup, but I’m not ready for her to know yet.”

“If ‘things’ got worse?” Kravitz pulled back a little bit to study Taako’s face, and Taako had to make himself meet the reaper’s eyes. “Start from the beginning.”

So Taako did. He explained what had happened in Wonderland, and how hard it had been for them to escape-- that they  _ wouldn’t _ have, without Barry’s help, and without Lup’s (although they hadn’t known it was her at the time). How Magnus had lost his body, and how they’d gotten a new one. And then he told Kravitz about the nightmares. He started with the first one he remembered, explained about his voice, how he’d tried to cast a spell in his sleep, and then told him about the second one, the missing finger, what Edward and Lydia had said to him, and everything he’d told Magnus afterwards.

Kravitz stayed quiet throughout, nodding occasionally and asking for clarification when Taako lost him or rushed ahead too fast. All the while, he kept his arms around Taako, keeping the fiery energy under his skin at bay. When Taako explained about the energy, he could see Kravitz’s worry grow on his face, although the reaper never stopped rubbing small circles between Taako’s shoulderblades.

“So that’s where Taako’s at.” Taako finished sort of lamely. He curled closer to Kravitz, still relishing the sensation of cold. “And here’s the thing. I don’t want to break, ok? I don’t. We’ve been through too much shit for things to go pear-shaped now, and I thought I could manage it on my own, but obviously I can’t. Whatever this is, it’s getting worse, and I...” He took a deep breath. “I’m gonna beat Magnus to the punch, if nothing else. So this is me calling in the cavalry.”

Kravitz kissed his hair. “You said you aren’t ready for Lup to know?”

“I’m not.” Taako almost spoke over him in his rush to get the words out. 

“And I’m guessing that rules out Barry, too.”

“Yup.”

“Lucretia?”

Taako sat straight up. “ _ Absolutely _ not.” He hissed. 

“Shh, love. I needed to ask.” Kravitz kept holding him, murmuring reassurances, until Taako finally relaxed against him again. “Davenport might be able to help. Otherwise, that leaves me and Angus.”

“That’s about as many people as I’m willing to pull into this bullshit.” Taako mumbled. “Let’s just get you and Ango to start, ok?”

“Ok.” Kravitz ran a cool hand over Taako’s shoulder, touching the mark that dream-Magnus’s attack had left. “Do you think you can rest? I’ll go find Angus.”

Taako nodded reluctantly. “I can meditate once I’m back at camp.”

“You hate meditating.”

Taako yawned. “Obviously. But in this case, it beats sleeping.”

“Will you be ok if I go?”

Kravitz’s red eyes watched Taako’s face worriedly, and Taako felt himself smiling lopsidedly as he pulled the reaper down for a kiss.

“C’mon. I’m  _ Taako _ . I’ll be fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there are any typos in this—my weekend went a bit sideways so I’m posting this from my phone.


	7. I need some sleuthing done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emetophobia trigger warning for this chapter, just an fyi. Not a big one, I don't think, but just a heads-up. Also, sorry for the delay-- I was moving out of my apartment. Hopefully back to posting on a weekly(...ish) schedule now.

Taako was not fine, not entirely. Locating Angus and pulling him away from his current investigation always took some time, so Kravitz didn’t return right away, and the very next day, as they continued into the middle of the Felicity Wilds, Magnus turned around just in time to see Taako collapse at the back of the group.

“Taako--?”

The elf had doubled over before falling to his hands and knees, and as Magnus hurried to him, he began to dry heave, fingers clutching at the ground as his body was wrung hollow with spasms. It took a long minute for it to stop, and Magnus winced in sympathy as he crouched next to the elf.

“You’re ok.” He said, mostly for something to say. Taako was panting now, miserably, his eyes closed as he trembled with residual shudders. After a moment of hesitation, Magnus gently pulled Taako’s hair away from his face, wrapping it at the nape of his neck in a quick, clumsy tieback that normally would have appalled the elf. One of Taako’s hands formed a shaky thumbs-up, still resting on the ground, and Magnus almost managed a smile, but not quite. “I’m gonna call.” He said quietly. “You’re getting worse _really_ fast.”

“I already called.” Taako croaked. “Kravitz and Ango are gonna be here pretty soon. I talked to Krav yesterday.”

“Oh.” Magnus blinked. “Angus?”

Taako looked up blearily at him, finally raising his head. “Yeah. If anyone can figure out what’s going on here, it’s him.”  He winced, and straightened a bit. “Also he’s not an elf, and you and Merle seem fine, so in case I just caught some bizarre disease…”

“Right.” Merle had explained Taako’s reasoning about Lup to Magnus. Magnus thought it was sort of stupid, but he at least got it. “Let’s get you up, then. We should make camp, you’re not well enough to travel.”

“Yeah, fuck that.” Taako mumbled, and without waiting for Magnus’s response, he summoned Garyl.

Magnus looked at the binicorn skeptically, less awed by him than he once had been. “Doesn’t that spell last for like, an hour?”

Taako didn’t deign to answer, and tried to stand. Magnus had to catch him about two-thirds of the way to his feet, when the elf started to topple, and exclaimed when his hands touched Taako’s skin. He wasn’t just hot to the touch, he was burning. Magnus practically had to pull his hand away, like he’d put it on a pot that had just come out of the fire. He looked at the elf askance, not entirely understanding how he could even survive that kind of fever, but Taako just looked pale and tired. He tried to manage a smile for Magnus, but it didn’t quite work.

“Krav was startled too.”

Magnus swore, shaking his head. “Merle!”

The dwarf reappeared from between the trees, eating what looked like some kind of fruit. “Yeah?”

“Taako’s being a dumbass, can you cast a healing spell on him please, before he bursts into flame?”

“I’m not gonna burst into flame.” Taako muttered, a little sullenly, but he didn’t resist when Magnus made him sit. The path they were traveling was muddy, but Taako had already gotten pretty up-close and personal with the ground. There was mud on his hands, and the knees of his skirt. There was even some in his hair, and smudged on Magnus’s shirt where Taako had grabbed onto him to keep from falling a second time.

“What the hell is Garyl doing here?” Merle grumbled as he came over to them. The binicorn ignored him, and Merle went to Taako, who now wasn’t looking at either of them, instead studying a nearby tree with a careful look of disinterest. “What needs healing?”

“Feel his forehead.” Magnus said tightly, when Taako didn’t seem inclined to respond.

Merle tried it, and pulled back with a yelp. “Holy shit. Did you swallow a fireball or something?” He pulled out the Extreme Teen Bible without any further commentary, which was at least something, and was in the middle of casting a healing spell when a tree near the one Taako had been watching started to move. And then the one next to it. All of the trees in a circle around their group started to turn and move towards them, and Taako sighed, annoyed.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Magnus didn’t bother responding. He pulled out Railsplitter, rushed towards the nearest tree, and swung it through the tree’s trunk, cutting easily through it in one go. He couldn’t help being somewhat surprised; he’d almost forgotten Railsplitter could do that. He turned back towards Merle and Taako in time to see Merle flying past him through the air, a startled expression on his face, the Extreme Teen Bible still clutched in his hands.

“Watch out for the roots!” Taako shouted a warning, and Magnus saw the elf cast levitate on himself, immediately lifting off the ground, where grasping roots pushed up through the soil towards him. One reached up high enough to catch Taako’s wrist, but Taako reached down and froze it with his free hand. Magnus could hear a snap, and then Taako was drifting free. Behind Magnus, Merle struggled to his feet.

“I was just eating fruit off of these!” The dwarf complained, looking up at the trees, and Magnus glanced at him.

“Maybe that’s why they’re mad?”

There wasn’t much more time for discussion. The trees normally wouldn’t have been much of a challenge for the three of them— a carpenter, a cleric of Pan, and a wizard whose sister specialized in evocation magic weren’t exactly soft targets for anything made out of wood— but Magnus was so busy trying to keep an eye on Taako that he found himself slower to react. A branch struck Magnus in the back, knocking him to the ground, and he covered his head preemptively to brace for the searing heat of one of Taako’s fire spells. When it never came, he rolled over, chopped upwards with Railsplitter, and scrambled to his feet. His eyes searched the air for Taako, but he didn’t see him. Was he Blinking?

“Magnus, eyes up!” That was Taako’s voice, but Magnus still couldn’t see him. Invisible, then.

Magnus spun just in time to chop another branch as it swung towards him, and worked his way closer to Merle. This would be easier if they had each others’ backs.

Taako’s invisibility also made things easier for Magnus. If he couldn’t see the elf, he reasoned, neither could their attackers-- and Taako wasn’t in any shape for a full-out fight at the moment. That freed up Magnus to do what he’d been sort of aching to do for days, which was to simply let loose some of his stress. He whirled and hacked in a dizzying flurry, woodchips flying as Merle provided some cover. The three of them were so used to fighting together by now that Magnus didn’t even have trouble attacking the branches coming down at them over Merle’s head-- Magnus just swung his axe at chest-height, easily clearing the dwarf cleric by a few feet, and kept going. It was only when the battle dragged on and on that Magnus began to have some concerns. A branch got through his guard, hitting Merle square in the chest and knocking him back into Magnus. Only seconds later, a vine snaked up Magnus’s leg to his knee and thickened, until his eyes watered with pain and he expected to hear something snap.

“Merle, shield!” That was Taako again. Magnus could see him now, flickering in and out of sight. Not from Blink, it almost seemed as though his invisibility spell was wearing off slowly, leaving him exposed for a moment before he vanished again. That wasn’t how it usually worked.

Merle threw up a shield to cover him and Magnus, and the world outside turned to brilliant white heat. Magnus pulled his leg free as the vine holding it in place withered, but he and Merle were untouched. The two of them shielded their eyes, and when the heat and light faded, they looked up to see Taako on his feet in the path amidst the now-steaming mud, swaying. 

“Taako--” Magnus was already running to him. Merle cursed behind him and undid the shielding spell quickly enough that Magnus didn’t run directly into it. Magnus more or less ignored this, and caught Taako as the elf slumped, his knees entirely giving out. About twenty feet behind Taako, Magnus saw Garyl flicker and then vanish. The hour wasn't nearly up.

All three of them looked up at a ripping sound, and Magnus could swear he heard Taako curse under his breath, because of course _this_ was the moment Kravitz returned with Angus.

“Krav, babe, it’s fine.” Taako was already speaking, although as far as Magnus knew, he hadn’t even laid eyes on the reaper yet-- he seemed to be using all his focus to grab onto Magnus and make it look more like he was standing. “I swear, this is worse than it looks. I mean, looks worse than it is. Definitely that one.”

Magnus looked up and was somewhat taken aback by the alarm on Kravitz’s face. I occurred to him somewhat irrelevantly that he really hadn’t seen Kravitz and Taako _together_ much-- he barely knew anything about Kravitz, when it came down to it. The reaper stood next to a rift that was closing rapidly behind him, and at his side, Angus McDonald was taking in the scene with wide eyes.

“Sirs?” Angus’s voice was hesitant, and Taako looked over at him, flashing him a pained grin.

“Agnes!” His hat had started to slip down over his face, and he pushed it back with his free hand. “Hey, little man, great timing. Listen, I really appreciate you coming all the way here; I need some sleuthing done.”

Kravitz came over to Taako, and Magnus transferred the elf’s weight to the reaper. It felt a bit strange to trust Taako to someone who hadn’t been on the Starblaster, and Magnus wasn’t sure he liked it. But Taako evidently trusted Kravitz, and Magnus trusted Taako, at least about this.

Taako immediately sagged into Kravitz’s side, saying something about how much cooler he felt, but Kravitz simply picked him up and moved him to a less-muddy spot along the side of the trail. He kicked aside some still-hot embers before putting Taako down, and Angus followed, trailed closely by Magnus and Merle.

“I still want to go back to Wonderland.” Taako spoke before anyone else could, sitting up even as Angus crouched next to him.

“Love, wait for a moment, ok?” Kravitz cupped Taako’s cheek in his palm, and Magnus watched interestedly as some of the tension instantly drained out of Taako.

“What the hell?” Merle had apparently noticed  too, and Kravitz looked up at the two of them, looking almost sheepish.

“I don’t know. This helped yesterday, but I don’t know…”

“It’s just cold.” Taako mumbled.

“That’s not how that works.” Merle grumbled. “That’s no fever, and cold shouldn’t feel good on it anyway, even if it was one.”

Everybody stop.” Angus finally piped up, cutting off Taako’s retort, and sounding more authoritative than the octave he was speaking in would suggest. “I need to know what’s going on, from the beginning. I can only do my job if you tell me what’s happened, so…” Angus’s fists were balled up, and Taako sighed, looking him over.

“Chill, my man. I’ll explain everything.” He fixed all of them with a look. “If: we keep fucking heading for Wonderland.”

 

Xxxxxxxxx

 

_Lucretia saw Taako. The elf was sitting against a wall, his knees pulled up, face buried against them. His hat was nowhere to be seen, and there was what looked like blood coming from under hair._

_“...Taako?”_

_His ears twitched towards her, but he otherwise didn’t move. She took a few steps towards him, then stopped._

_“Where are we?”_

_“I’d think you of all people would recognize Wonderland.”_

_Lucretia froze at the sound of the voice behind her, and when she turned to face it, she already knew what she would see._

_“You died.” She said to Edward, and she hated the uncertainty in her own voice._

_“You weren’t there for it, were you?” Lydia, now, standing between Lucretia and where Taako was still huddled in the corner. “You don’t know for sure.” Lucretia looked between them, panic high in her throat._

_“What is this?” She was thankful for the fact that fear usually just made her sound more stern. “My crew told me that you died, and I trust them.”_

_“Oh, of course! But do they trust you?” Edward’s grin could be heard in his voice._

_“Taako, darling, look who it is.” Lydia was next to Taako now. She tipped his head up so that he was looking at Lucretia, and Lucretia’s breath caught in her throat._

_“Taako…”_

_The elf’s face was a mess. Now that he was looking up, Lucretia could see the bruises, the blood, the way his hair was tangled around his face. She started towards him, unable to help herself, and his eyes finally focused on her. Lucretia felt nauseous as she she watched his expression flash from recognition to flat fear in half a heartbeat._

_“Stop it.” He said. It was directed at Edward and Lydia, but Lucretia’s heart ached at the defeat in his tone. “Please.”_

_Lucretia took another step towards him, but Edward snapped his fingers, and Taako was gone. All that was left was a faint black fog. Lucretia realized it had been rising off Taako the whole time, but as she watched now, it dissolved into the air like steam._

_“What did you just do to him?” Lucretia whirled on Edward, who smiled at her with a perfect host’s smile._

_“Just what he asked.”_

_“He has you to thank for all of this.” Lydia appeared next to Edward and slung her arm over his shoulders, in a gesture that reminded Lucretia sickeningly of Lup’s casual gestures around Taako._

_“Don’t worry, dear.” Edward watched Lucretia with an expression of satisfaction. “If you want to get him back, you already know the rules.”_

_Lucretia gritted her teeth. “No.”_

_“No?” Lydia seemed confused by her answer, and Lucretia glared at the lich._

_“No. I won’t play your game.”_

_“You know, your friend Taako said something a lot like that.”_

_Lucretia’s chest froze as the liches grinned at her, and somewhere nearby, she registered the sound of Taako screaming._

_“It’s not real.” She said firmly. “None of this is real.”_

_“No?” Lydia approached her, and Lucretia refused to step back. “You want to take that risk?”_

_“If you’re wrong, you’ll be abandoning him.” Edward’s smile held no venom at all. “But it wouldn’t be the first time, would it?”_

 

Lucretia’s eyes flew open. She was covered in sweat, and shaking. But _why_ ? It was just a bad dream. None of that even made sense. Taako had gotten out of Wonderland. Even with the disaster that had been Magnus losing his body, and-- everything else they’d told her about, they’d all gotten _out_.

She sat up in bed, rubbing a hand over her face, trying to re-assert reality into her mind.

“Come on, Lucy, snap out of it.” She mumbled, and chimed with guilt again. She hadn’t called herself that, originally. ‘Lucy’ was a nickname Lup had come up with in one of the early cycles. Taako had been the first one to pick it up.

Before she could stop herself, she was reaching for her Stone of Far Speech, tucked on her bedside table next to a half-filled notebook. She hesitated for a second, unsure who to call. Lup would talk to her, but there was no need to worry her if nothing was wrong, and Lup probably wasn’t with Taako anyway, considering her new job. Davenport was here on the moon base, so he probably didn’t know any more than Lucretia did-- if anything was going on, which it probably _wasn’t_ \--and Taako _definitely_ wouldn’t _want_ to talk to her--

She found herself staring stupidly at the stone between her hands. Who could she call?

“Lucretia?” Magnus’s voice crackled through the line, and Lucretia jumped. Leftover nerves from the dream, it had to be, but why was Magnus…?

That was a hell of a coincidence.

“Can you hear me?” Magnus sounded worried-- uncharacteristically worried, and Lucretia cleared her throat, composing herself for just a second before speaking.

“Yes? What is it?”

“Um, can you get Avi to send you down here?” Magnus hesitated for a second, and Lucretia’s heart plummeted into her stomach. “Something’s wrong with Taako.”


	8. What happened?

The scene, when Lucretia arrived less than a half hour later, was chaos.

She’d brought Davenport with her ( _of course I’m coming with you,_  he’d said when she told him, _I got a call too_ ), and the two of them stepped out of the woods together into what looked like the aftermath of a battle.

Kravitz was propped against a sturdy tree, Merle fussing over him. The reaper was obviously hurt, and ice dripped from the trees overhead-- in fact the whole _clearing_ was cold. Angus McDonald was sitting on Kravitz’s other side, taking notes as the reaper spoke quietly to him. Magnus was pacing, back and forth along the treeline, something Lucretia hadn’t seen him do since they’d been on the Starblaster. Barry and Lup were there too.

Lup looked distraught. Her long ears were pressed down and back, and she didn’t even seem to hear Barry as he talked softly to her. She only had eyes for her unconscious twin, who was--

Next to her, Lucretia heard Davenport’s breath catch in shock. Taako was _glowing_.

He lay curled on his side, and although he wasn’t awake, the expression on his face was pained. His eyebrows were drawn together over his closed eyes, and although it was difficult to see through the glow, he was trembling. The light around him was a bloody shade of dark red, and it seemed to simply cast shadows, rather than illuminate anything. Even so, Lucretia could see that the grass surrounding him was burned black.

“Magnus.” Davenport got the man’s attention, and Magnus seemed startled for a second, broken out of whatever he was thinking about, but he came over to the two of them. Lucretia couldn’t help noticing that no one else even glanced up at them.

“Hey. Uh, sorry for…” Magnus’s mind was clearly not on what he was saying, and Davenport snapped his fingers.

“What happened?” Davenport asked, and Magnus seemed to focus slightly.

“Uh, it’s...complicated? Everyone’s been caught up but you two, but… it seems like it has something to do with Wonderland.”

Lucretia wanted desperately to be surprised by that. As it was, a steady chill was creeping into her chest. It had started when Magnus had told her and Davenport to come to the Felicity Wilds. She remembered the last words of her nightmare.

_It’s not real._

_You want to take that risk?_

_If you’re wrong, you’ll be abandoning him._

She took a shaky breath. “Magnus, what happened? Tell us everything you know.”

So Magnus did. He told them about Taako’s nightmares, how the elf hadn’t wanted anyone to know, how things had started to escalate. He told them about Taako calling Kravitz and Angus for help-- which made Lucretia’s heart feel constricted-- they were _family_ , and he hadn’t trusted the Starblaster crew with this--

And then Magnus told the two of them about the experiment they’d come up with.

“Kravitz insisted we call Lup first.” Magnus said. He was avoiding looking at either of them. “He managed to talk Taako into it. He thought that if Taako had some reassurance that Lup was real, it might be easier for him to handle another dream.”

“So you had him fall asleep _intentionally_?” Davenport sounded somewhat scandalized, and Magnus flinched.

“Kravitz had a theory.” He said, hedging. “And Angus said it was the only thing that made sense.”

“So… it didn’t work?”

Magnus shook his head. “We never got that far, but… it kinda did?”

“Magnus, I can explain the rest.” Kravitz’s voice cut in from the tree where he was still sitting. “I think Angus and I have figured it out, so we may as well fill everyone in.”

Lucretia felt as though she was in a daze, but she followed everyone to gather around Kravitz.

“To catch Davenport and Lucretia up, the reason we wanted Taako to fall asleep again was so that someone could follow him into the dream. We decided…” Kravitz glanced at Lup, but she didn’t seem to be paying attention. “Taako decided I would be the one to follow him in. It had to be me, Barry, or Lup, because we can travel between planes. Normally dreams don’t take place in a different plane, but if someone is being attacked by a mind-flayer, for example, the mind-flayer transports the dreamer’s unconscious self to the plane of magic, where they can use magic to control what the dreamer experiences. It’s why dreams made by mind-flayers can be deadly. Your unconscious self is taken to a different plane, and embroiled in a very real life-or-death struggle. It’s not a dream at all, it’s a fabricated reality in another plane.”

“Mind-flayers have to be nearby, though. Magnus said this had been going on for weeks.” Davenport interjected, and Kravitz nodded.

“Right. That’s because this isn’t a mind-flayer. You all know a decent amount about liches, I imagine, because of Lup and Barry. Angus and I found out everything we could about Wonderland, since that’s what Taako’s been dreaming about. The two liches who controlled it were… incredibly powerful. They were powerful enough that they were able to hide from me, and they could manipulate not only themselves and their own appearance, but all of Wonderland. So when Lup killed Edward, even though he ‘died,’ that may not have been the end of it. As a creature of pure magic, it’s possible that he and his sister were able to avoid going to the astral plane by passing to the plane of magic instead-- like the way Taako can travel through planes when he uses Blink. Planar travel is complicated, but those two liches had all the time they would have needed to create that contingency plan.”  Kravitz shifted uncomfortably. “This was only a theory, but I have no record of Edward _or_ Lydia ever entering the astral plane. They may have been defeated, but something went wrong: they didn’t die. And considering they survived as liches using bonds-- specifically mostly via bonds based around suffering and fear, Angus and I worked out that maybe some of those bonds still existed, in the form of memories held by people who had been to Wonderland and survived.”

Lucretia reeled. “So, they’re alive, and they’re using Taako’s memories of Wonderland to keep a foothold in the material plane?”

Kravitz shook his head. “They’re not _keeping_ a foothold, they’re trying to climb back across the bridge. By making Taako experience Wonderland in the plane of magic, they’ve been feeding on his suffering the same way they did all of Wonderland’s victims. Not only are they strengthening the bond by making him more miserable, they’re also strengthening themselves, and weakening him. If it was anyone else, they probably wouldn’t be able to get feed off his energy enough to attempt a return trip, but Taako’s a magic user. They can use him as a receptacle for their energy in the material plane in a way they wouldn’t be able to do with, say, Magnus. But it’s more than that, because Taako’s bonds mirror their own. His bond with Lup, for instance. His bonds with _all_ of you. Taako’s not a lich, but he’s the most powerful transmutation wizard in the world, and his magical energy has _always_ come from bonds. The liches aren’t just feeding on his suffering, they’re feeding on his magic, and Taako has enough magic that if no one stops them, they’ll be successful in returning to this plane.”

“So, to sum up...you decided to follow him into a dream.” Davenport sounds very tired all of a sudden. “What happened?”

Kravitz shakes his head. “He was nervous about the whole thing. So he meditated first.”

“And?”

“And the little bastards came for him while he was meditating.” Merle interjected. He sounded more pissed off than usual. “See how he’s glowing? Yeah, he wasn’t sleeping when that started.”

Kravitz looked distressed. “We hadn’t realized how much of a foothold Edward and Lydia already had. We weren’t ready, and he started to dream again, and-- I went to the plane of magic, but… the only good news is that our theory was right. And that’s only good news because it means we know what’s going on. The bad news is, Edward and Lydia have been in the plane of magic for over a year now. They’re more powerful than they were. They’re in their element, and they’re nearly unstoppable while they’re still there. If they come back to the material plane, they’ll be slightly weaker, because there’s only so much magic they can store in Taako for their return. And if they return…”

“It’ll kill Taako.” Lucretia said, certain and horrified, but Kravitz looked at her, pain in his eyes.

“No. We could deal with that-- I’m the grim reaper. They’ll burn him out of his body, until there’s nothing left of him. And then they’ll use his body like a vessel, like they did to Magnus. They can’t knock his soul out of him like they did with Magnus-- the Animus Bell was destroyed. So they have to get rid of the soul a different way, without destroying his body, and they’re already-- they’re going to just...there won’t be anything left. And they need his suffering to make themselves powerful, so it’s... if they pull this off, Taako will just be gone.”

 

xxxxxxxxxxx

 

Angus was a smart boy. There were certain things he knew were true without any real question, like the fact that Taako trusted him to solve this, but the mark of a true detective was the willingness to never stop investigating. Even if the investigation was painful. Even if someone was attacking his mentor and all Angus could do was try to piece together clues as Taako shivered and glowed, under a pile of blankets enchanted so they wouldn’t burn when they came into contact with his hot skin.

Here were some things he knew:

     -If they didn’t manage to save him, Taako would die. Maybe not  _ technically  _ die, but for all intents and purposes, he would be gone.

     -Angus couldn’t think about that too hard.

     -The liches were storing more than just magic inside of Taako. Their magic alone would not be able to retreat when Kravitz touched Taako’s skin. Somehow, the liches were already forcing their consciousness inside of the elf, but they weren’t strong enough to take on Kravitz yet. They didn’t want to be detected.

     -This was probably why they’d tried to kill Kravitz when he’d followed Taako to the plane of magic. If they could take him out there, it would decrease the danger to them here.

     -There was black fog rising off of Taako. It was floating away towards the center of the Felicity Wilds. Based on what Angus and Kravitz had found out about Wonderland, Angus suspected he knew what they would find if they followed it.

     -Taako had desperately wanted to go to the location of Wonderland. This was probably related and important, but Angus wasn’t sure how yet.

     -Lucretia knew something that she wasn’t telling anyone.

Most of these things, Angus couldn’t do much about. 

But the last one, he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such an exposition-heavy chapter! The next one will not be like this, and I'm hoping (this may be optimistic on my part) to get the next chapter posted by Thursday.


	9. The thing about burning

_ The thing about burning, Taako decided, was that you couldn’t get used to the pain. Every time your mind started to wander, it was pulled back by a whole new sensation. Was this what being a lich was like? He remembered how Barry’s form had rippled and arced with red flame when he’d started to lose control. But no, Lup had never mentioned burning. And she would know. _

_ Phandolin. Maybe this was the price he’d pay for Phandolin. How many lives had been lost? More than the 40 at his disastrous show in Glamour Springs. Many, many more. And they had all burned, because Taako hadn’t been able to stop it. They’d saved the world, sure, but that didn’t undo their failures. Phandolin wasn’t the only city that burned after they’d created the relics. It was far from the only black circle of glass on the map. Taako thought of a whole town turned to peppermint candy. He thought of all the people they’d failed, all the moments he wished he could go back and do something else.  _

_ Probably, he thought, it was best that their memories were a patchwork of lies when they’d been confronted with Magnus’s relic. If Taako had been given the opportunity to go back now… _

_ But maybe then they wouldn’t have saved the world. Maybe, if he’d stopped-- any of it-- the Hunger would have won. And that would be it. _

_ Pain shrieked through him, and Taako’s back arched like a bow. His breath came shallow and harsh in his chest, but he’d given up on screaming long ago. He just didn’t have the energy for it. _

_ Kravitz was still out there.Taako refused to believe that the reaper had died when Edward and Lydia had blasted him from the plane of magic. The two liches were almost ludicrously powerful here, but Taako couldn’t allow himself to entertain the thought that Kravitz had died. It would take more than a couple of liches to kill the grim reaper. And even if Kravitz wasn’t coming back... Lup and Barry would come find him. Someone would come find him. Taako just had to hold out a little bit longer. _

_ He squeezed his eyes shut and clung hard to his stubborn streak. Lup was real. Kravitz was real. Angus was real. Barry was real. Magnus was real, and Merle, and Davenport. Even Lucretia. Taako wasn’t alone. Even now, burning, he knew. _

_ All he had to do was hang on and wait. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for this ultra-short chapter! I should have the next (significantly longer!) one up soon, but I realized that this part had to be its own chapter, since it's sort of a turning point for the fic. Stay tuned, things are about to get very interesting.


End file.
